Even God Can't Change the Past
by squishtheorange
Summary: Because he knew, he would fall in love with Uchiha Sasuke, and Uchiha Sasuke wouldn't love him back. SasuNaru. For butterfreak.


Okay so. This is for butterfreak. So um… Let's go. Song lyrics are in **bold.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto. The song belongs to Charlotte Church.**

**- - - - - **

_For butterfreak_

His fingers grazed upon the surface of the smooth glass, leaving smudgy marks in its trail to blur the scene beyond the window, before finally settling on the pane beside his lap. And even though he tried his best to think of anything but the day before, he found himself staring at the fading memory of Sasuke stepping into the house.

**even god cant change the past  
no matter how many tears I've cried**

He watched as the man stepped into the living room, and he watched as he was crushed into the wall by a fuzzy image of himself snuggling into his chest. At that time, Sasuke had wrapped his arms tightly around him, smiling into his fluffy sunshine hair, and at that time, Naruto had smiled back, his heart swelling with the feeling of having someone who loved him so much.

Naruto smiled bitterly as he thought of how Sasuke would've gotten mad if he found that he had dirtied the window, so with the hem of his shirt, he rubbed it away. Before he had felt it on his face, a giant drop of a tear splashed onto the cloth, bleeding into the darkening fabric.

Naruto raised a shaking hand slowly to his face, touching his wet cheeks and wondering exactly when he had started to cry so hard. The myriad of fat, juicy tears seemed endless, each drop he cried out felt as if a part of his soul was dripping off his cheeks, leaving the place it belonged. And as Naruto trembled on the window pane, he watched the memories unfold in the bare living room.

**yes I thought this love would last  
who am I to question why, who am i**

He watched as Sasuke kissed him hard, his fingers digging into his slim waist. His own fingers had grabbed onto Sasuke's unimaginably dark locks of hair, tugging him down harder onto himself, both of them still shoved against the wall, unable to pull away from each other long enough to move away.

**darling when im hurt  
that's when im satisfied  
tell me what it's worth  
to pursue the holy life**

Countless feelings were felt; both of them seemed not to get enough of each other. Their touches were desperate, but passionate, because neither of them were patient, especially when it came to matters like this.

**i can see your face  
even when I close my eyes  
i can give you love  
even when I've been denyed**

Naruto remembered clearly the feeling of Sasuke's hot skin brushing, rubbing and skimming across his own, the tingles that raced all over his body, the amazing sensation of goose-bumps popping out every place Sasuke touched. It was incredible.

He continued watching from the window pane, just as the tears continued falling from his darkly sapphire eyes. He watched as they ended up on the floor, exploring each other as if it was new territory, as Sasuke touched him in places no one else had, and as he did, he cried harder, his sobs racking his whole body.

**who, who's loving who?**

Sasuke would look at him now and laugh. He would call him a dobe, tell him to stop being so stupid and kiss him. But Naruto knew better now. He wouldn't let Sasuke use him again. Not again.

**who, who's fooling who?**

He'll never let Uchiha Sasuke run his fingers through his hair, or caress the scars on his cheeks, or whisper the lies of love into his ear, or let his hands wander beneath his shirt, or kiss him like he loved him again…

Never again will he let Uchiha Sasuke fool his heart!

**darling what is love  
if it never gets you high  
should we sit and wait  
while the waisted years roll by**

And as he watched them finish and collapse onto each other to bask in the afterglow of love, his tears became angry. With the gush of frustration streaming down from his eyes, he watched the moment when Uzumaki Naruto's life came tumbling, crashing and falling apart at his naked feet.

"_Do you love me?"_

He watched the memory of himself smile up at Sasuke, waiting for the answer that would make that smile the last one like it.

**is there time to say  
if I lie I apoligize  
never go away  
please stay here by my side**

He had only said it then to make that moment the happiest in his life. But when Sasuke only gave him a chaste kiss on his forehead as an answer, Naruto realised that he'd never actually asked the question before. And Naruto had never heard Sasuke actually say the words that he told him every single day.

At that moment, something had stirred underneath Naruto's stomach, but Naruto knew he shouldn't have been worried. He was just being selfish. Of course Sasuke loved him; hadn't he proved it so many times?

But the feeling inside of him only seemed to get stronger, kicking at his stomach and telling him to press on.

"_Sasuke?"_

**who, who's fooling who?**

The fuzzy image of Sasuke remained silent and after a while of no sound, Naruto sat up beside Sasuke.

**who, who's loving who?**

He was finding it hard to convince himself that Sasuke really did love him.

"_Let's sleep, Naruto."_

"_Sasuke!"_

"…"

"_Sasuke, Sasuke!"_

"_Go to sleep!"_

Naruto carried on watching as the image of himself shut up at the angry tone in Sasuke's voice. His eyes had been uncertain before, but now, they were clearly decidedly sad.

**they try to break you  
they try to steal your stars  
if they ever take you  
just remember who you are**

The tears just didn't want to stop. As he saw himself cry in the memory, he sobbed harder in reality.

He had been getting slightly hysterical now, as the feeling inside him began to twist his stomach into a thousand knots. He needed the reassurance of knowing that somebody loved him. He needed to know that Sasuke loved him.

**they try to hate you  
just like some love 4izarre  
I sign of weakness  
to be afraid of what you are**

"_Sasuke! Answer me!"_

"…"

"_SASUKE!"_

"_What do you want!"_

"_I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME!"_

Sasuke had gotten up and his memory-self began to sob, almost as much as he was right now. Desperation had been fogging Naruto's mind.

"_PLEASE, SASUKE!"_

The image of Naruto ran forwards to grab onto Sasuke, at the same place he had touched and kissed just moments before. He cried into him.

"_Please."_

**even god cant change the past**

Sasuke had looked down on him, an unreadable expression gracing his features and hiding his black, black eyes.

"_Ple-"_

"_Do you want me to lie?"_

"_No!"_

"_Then no."_

He had looked up. Shock, despair, anger and so many other emotions all mixed together to form the cocktail of feelings that were portrayed in his eyes.

**no matter how many tears ive cried**

"_No, Naruto."_

Naruto had pushed away from him, tears falling faster.

**yes I thought this pain would pass**

"_GET OUT!"_

He ran to slam the door open.

"_GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"_

**who am I to question why, who am i?**

Sasuke stared at him, but Naruto has refused to meet his eyes.

Because he knew, if he looked at him for any longer…

He would fall in love all over again.

He would fall in love with Uchiha Sasuke, and Uchiha Sasuke wouldn't love him back.

**who am I to question why?**

"…_go away…"_

Sasuke left without a word.

In reality, Naruto remained seated at the window pain. He watched as his memory-self walked back into the centre of the room where only an hour ago he had made love to the man he thought he loved. He watched as the fuzzy image of himself dug his fingers into his hair and screamed for all he was worth. He screamed, and screamed, and screamed, all in hopes of being able to get rid of the monster of a feeling that was crushing his stomach, to get rid of the horrid feeling of being unloved.

But even whilst Naruto cried on the window pane in present time, his insides were still victim to the monster inside, filling him with endless pain of losing something that you never really had in the first place.

And Naruto sat by the window, hating how life continued around him, hating how he didn't know what to do with himself now, hating himself.

Naruto sat and hated himself because…

_Sasuke…_

_I still love you._

**who am I to question why?**

**- - - - - **

Ah… got a bit trashy in the second half. So umm… yeah… I tried my best! Hope you like it.

Drop me a review if you can spare a minute, I'd appreciate it muchly.


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